A dear friend once told me that she never listens to the positive feedback about her work, because people feel they must say nice things. It’s obligatory. But, when she gets brutal, stinging criticism, that’s the real truth about her work. People wouldn’t say negative things unless they were true, right?
People say negative things for many reasons. Here are a few:
- They don’t know how to frame their comments constructively.
- They don’t know what they’re talking about, but feel the need to say something.
- They want to sound intelligent.
- They have a beef with the subject matter.
- The main character reminds them of someone they dislike.
- They are creatively frustrated and speaking straight from pain.
- They believe it’s important to express their opinion.
What if your writing were a child? Let’s say you’re unfinished first draft is a 3-year old. You want to make sure this kid turns out great. Do you put her up on stage and invite the audience to tell you what’s wrong with her?
“Okay, what can be improved here? Don’t hold back,” you encourage the crowd.
“Well, her left eye is a little lower than her right.”
“Her vocabulary could sure use work.”
“She’s not entertaining enough.”
Or what if the final draft with the unsolved ending is your listless, possibly depressed, 18-year old son. He’s doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life and you’re afraid he’ll never move out of the house. Do you throw a dinner party and get everyone to weigh in on what’s wrong with him? Or do you find him some professional counseling?
Here are a few ways to avoid wounding the spirit of a writing project:
- Don’t show your work-in-progress to just anyone. Make sure that they are 1) compassionate 2) experienced and skilled in analysis 3) understand the writing process.
- Set them up for success: Let them know what kind of feedback you’d like and remind them to start with what’s working.
- When someone tells you what’s working in your writing, treat this as valuable information. You need to know what you’re building on.
- Know the difference between opinion and feedback. Opinion tells you something about the speaker. Feedback tells you something about your work.
- Be especially careful with pre-first draft work. Your job is to mother, protect and discover the true nature of what is forming. Any rough handling can make the work shy, or worse, change its nature.
DAILY PROMPT: Finish the sentence, “If you really look…” 6 minutes
If you really look, you’ll see moisture under the leaves, the underside, where the sun doesn’t reach and dry, leaving the surfaces turned toward the light parched. If you really look, you’ll see the same in her face, something more alive behind that surface face of dry wrinkles, crevices carved in who-knows-how-many years. The eyes, if you really look, have that life, at least sometimes they do, belying the box they’re nested in, the face that takes the beating, turned to the world. If you really look, you’ll see there is more behind that outward look anyway, like peeking behind the curtain to find what’s hiding there. She murmured loving words, years ago, slipped sensuously up against her man and turned, her head back, laughing with the joy of being with him, free for the evening. She gave birth to infants she was tender with in early days, spent her time in the kitchen, preparing meals, sometimes with love, other times with resentment, or mostly resignation. If you really look, you’ll see that woman, story under story, layer upon layer, until like a stout and lumpy impersonation of herself, she appears now, unknown, unheard. You see her as an old woman, as though she’s dressed herself in those layers, packing on the clothing until, like some random combination of Homeless Harriet and a nested “baboushka”, you avert your eyes. You don’t really look.
This is a very important piece and should be required reading. At least for me. Last week someone asked me what I thought of a story she had written and said that she wanted the truth. I told her that I loved the story, the energy, her passion, the idea, but the organization and sentence structure needed work. It hurt her deeply even though she asked me, and now she is not talking to me.
I’m glad you found the piece helpful. I’ve certainly stepped in it when giving feedback. I’ve often wished there were land-mine sniffing dogs for writers. I’ll be posting lots more on giving and receiving feedback over the next few weeks to help you avoid all the traps.